Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
