I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
