You can't special order awesome
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
