When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We named our party play list daddy issues
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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