Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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