You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
