You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize