First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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