I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize