My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
