I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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