I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
