But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
