Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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