ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
