I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
