pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
