I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
