defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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