i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
