dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
