Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
