It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
