he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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