do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
