Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
