Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
