It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
