I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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