so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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