Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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