Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
