I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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