Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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