he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
