if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
