I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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