i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
