No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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