1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
