I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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