what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
