I faked an abortion last night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
