Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
