its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
