don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
