I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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