he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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