Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
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