Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
