Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
