We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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