for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
