so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize