Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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