I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
