Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
