Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
