You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
