Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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