Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
