whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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