best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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