Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
