and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
