I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
