I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
