I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize