I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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