My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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