How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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