Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
