Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
