I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
