You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
