What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
FUCK WHALES
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
