Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize