soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
