It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
