dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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