I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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