Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
