All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
