After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
