i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
