you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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