Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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