there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
