Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
