I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
