All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
